Sandy Clarke
Licensed Professional Counsellor

 

Author: Mindfulness and Emotions: Understanding Your Mind and the Benefits of Being Present

Columnist: Sunny Side Up, Star Newspaper 

 

Dealing with my issues over the years, I tried everything you’ve likely tried to overcome your struggles. I ignored thoughts; dismissed feelings; suppressed emotions; and avoided situations and people. I did this for years, and the only thing that happened was I swung back and forth between feeling OK and having to deal with the same issues that would repeatedly arise.

 

My desire to suppress and avoid what was happening affected my ability to connect with others to the point where even the idea of connection felt uncomfortable. Later, having therapy myself, I realised an important lesson: 

 

When you suppress painful feelings and emotions, it also prevents you from living your life fully and authentically. Quite often, we repeat the same behaviours and find ourselves with the same kinds of results; and even though we really want to break that cycle, it somehow feels automatic, as if it can’t be helped. Does that sound familiar?

 

Where we hurt is where we care.

 

In 2014, while working as a journalist, I met Tom Rennie – a Second World War veteran who was part of the Normandy Landings in 1944. I spent a total of six hours in conversation with Tom over a few months and was astounded by his cheerful and optimistic outlook on life after all he’d lived through.
 

He, and others like him, was living proof that humans have the capacity and the strength to overcome the most brutal of realities. Sometimes, we need someone to equip us with the right tools and help us find our inner strength to deal with what’s going on in our lives. From that point, we can start to build a meaningful life.

 

When I asked Tom, “How did you deal with everything you’ve been through, and how were you able to remain optimistic during those years?” He replied, “You have to find something worth living for, and then you have to find the courage to live – no matter what.”

 

How I approach therapy can be summed up in Tom’s reply. Life can be hard, and sometimes it can feel downright unfair and, at times, unbearable. And yet, despite all the difficult moments: the losses, the heartaches, the insecurities, and uncertainties, you’re still standing. Perhaps at this point you might feel like you’re just barely coping – I understand how that feels – and you just want whatever it is you’re going through to stop, so that you can live your life how you want to live it. 

 

Struggles are part of being human. We all have our struggles; no-one is exempt from that. No-one can “fix” you, because you’re not broken - perhaps you just need help to get back on track. That could mean anything from trying to understand yourself better to dealing with some really tough thoughts, feelings and emotions, and everything else in between. Maybe you need to figure out where you are in life, and in which direction you’d like to head. There are countless reasons why people see a therapist, and none of them is because there’s “something wrong” with the person. We simply reach points when we need help to navigate issues or problems, and develop the tools to build a life that's meaningful and engaging.

 

As mentioned earlier, I can’t fix your problems – nobody can. What I can do is work with you to figure out what matters to you, and what holds you back from living the kind of life you want to lead. We’ll also work on what’s not working in your life right now, and develop evidence-based skills and techniques that will help you deal with life’s struggles and enable you to build the kind of life you want, driven by what matters most to you.

 

Your past might have shaped you to this point, but it needn’t define who you are from this point on. From the first therapy session, you get to choose a new path for yourself, and it’ll be my privilege to help you map it out.